People are forever asking about me. I am not a huge fan of strangers just messaging me so I tend to ignore them but I guess maybe people want to know a little about me.



After redoing this page many many times I have decided that I would use lyrics from a song to really describe myself. There are lots of songs that I have found that fit me so perfectly. Some go with my personality, some with my mind. One though sticks with me no matter what and I think that it fits me better then all the rest.



“And it's always little things

That to the surface brings

The comfort in the pain

The fear behind the smile

We lose along the way

The things we leave behind

Along the precipice

Of things we should not climb

And I'm the first in line”



Little things bring out the bad days. I can’t always explain them but the bad days are days when I have to make myself get out of bed, even when I can barely make myself move. The bad days bring pain and sadness or anger. The anger brings out pain. I don’t handle my anger like most people. I bottle it up and let it fester. I never take it out on people, only myself. I find comfort in my release but it isn’t exactly healthy. I hide behind a mask, a smile most of the time but I have so many different emotions running through my mind at the same time. The smile is usually hiding something that I don’t want to share with the world. People always say that want to know the real me. The real me is always hurting some how, always hiding in her pain.



“There's an anchor around my heart

Dragging me down

Beneath the waves in silence I fall

There's a halo above my head

Spinning me 'round

'Cause I don't know if I'm alive or dead

A dagger in my hand

Bleeding me dry”



My emotions pull me down, keep me locked in a state of unhappiness. They are always bringing me to a point of near exhaustion. I am happy then sad then happy again. I never tell anyone what I am going through. I just let my smile hide it all and go on about my business. I see the blood as a way of harnessing those emotions. Yes, I am a cutter. My anger is what controls my life. They start as whispers in my mind and when I can no longer control my emotions I have a yelling voice in my head that only cutting will silence. So yes, the dagger is bleeding me dry, literally.



“And it's always little things

That to the surface brings

The space you need to breathe

Before the curtain call

The light that leads the way

Before you hit the wall

The mountain that you climb

Just to take a fall

For blind among the blind”


I am forever walking down a dark hall. There are no doors or lights. There is no end to that dark hall. I am just forever looking for that light that will lead me to the end of that long, dark hall. I push myself to do impossible things. I am forever looking for that one compliment that will make me feel like I have climbed Mt. Everest. I push myself over and over to just see myself fail at life, at love, at being myself. I try to come out of hiding for people but hurt and anger just push me back in. I am not one to take rejection lightly and I get rejected more times then not.



I don’t talk about myself much. I am not a huge fan of myself really. I like to learn about other people. I never ask anything really important of others, it’s the little unimportant things that really define them for me. A favorite author or type of music says a lot about a person. A person’s past is theirs and I am not one to pry into someone’s past. I will answer questions about myself, but if the question is too personal I will either just give you part of the answer or tell you I can’t answer that question. Opening up is hard for me, talking about my past scares me. I get rejected more for that then anything.



The lyrics come from Oleander’s - Halo. That song is one of my favorite songs, always has been, always will be.